SUCCESS
Not another success article
Each day we eagerly click on headlines offering helpful tips to success:
The Tools I Used to Reach 5,000,000 Views on Medium
Follow These Morning Routines Of Successful Entrepreneurs
Maximize Your Writing Focus With These 45 Perfect Music Playlists
These articles are read and clapped for by thousands of people.
Including me.
It’s gotten me thinking.
Why are we all so obsessed about success?
Is it really that important for us to be successful?
Perhaps it is.
Many of us focus on success is because we want to improve. To get out of a rut. To change. To be more than we are. To go further than we’ve ever gone before. To feel accomplished. To be admired. To feel the addictive highs. To make a difference. To feel secure. To belong .To be perfect.
We’re inspired by people considered successful in their fields:
‘We’re here to put a dent in the universe. Otherwise why else even be here?’ — Steve Jobs
‘If you don’t find a way to make money while you sleep you will work until you die.’ — Warren Buffet
‘The cost of being wrong is less than the cost of doing nothing’ — Seth Godin
The definition of success
Let’s take a look at what success is and what it means to us.
Success:
The accomplishment of an aim or purpose
synonyms: favorable outcome, successfulness, successful result, triumph, Hollywood ending
Is it the outcome we’re after? Do we want acknowledgement. To stroke our egos. To feel accomplished. Liked more. Looked up to.
We look to these articles as a map to success. But does the writer’s definition of success equal ours? Is that athlete’s achievement really our goal? Is this entrepreneur’s accomplishment our life’s purpose?
If someone says, here are 10 tips to a successful morning routine, does that mean we’re not successful if we don’t follow them?
A writer’s definition of a successful morning routine may be:
- To jump out of bed and be out for a run at 5am
- To get out of the house without yelling at the kids
- To sleep in until 10 and have a big breakfast
- To meditate
- To do what other ‘successful’ people do
Success is subjective
Like religion. Or politics.
What you believe, is not necessarily true for me. But I respect that you believe it and are willing to share your conviction with the world.
I just don’t think we need to get caught up with the word ‘success’. Because it’s too easy to deceive ourselves that we need to achieve someone else’s goal — than to figure out our own destinations, and why we want to get there.
And then is it only about the goal?
The danger in success is focusing solely on the outcome.
Rather than appreciating the unexpected treasures on the journey — the precious learning behind every painful tumble, along with the sweetness of every win. A journey which may or may not even take you where you thought you’d end up.
Another danger is believing success is what defines us.
Basing our value on external factors rather than realizing we are enough. We don’t need anything to happen to validate who we are. We are worthy of love. Always.
What I used to think about success
Growing up in my family, we were encouraged to study, get great grades so we could get into university and get a good job.
I followed my brother’s footsteps in choosing uni courses: double degrees in business and information systems majoring in Accounting. Then I aspired to get into the Big 4 of accounting firms — because that was the golden goose for everyone around me. Success! So I wanted it too.
Somehow I ended up in a Big 4. The elite group.
It was all very thrilling and unbelievable. To actually need to wear a suit for work, walk around importantly carrying a work laptop, making expense claims for taxis, and each day walking into a glitzy building in the heart of Collins St, at the Parisian end of Melbourne’s business district.
I, a fresh grad, waltzed into big companies to check whether their processes were up to scratch. ‘Global Risk Management Solutions’, what a fabulous team to belong to!
The other overly ambitious grads were thoroughly enjoying it. But I knew after the first week:
I hated it. I had to get out.
Devastation.
F*&#, I thought. What the heck am I supposed to do now?
I’d spent five long years in uni to be there, and now I’ve been thrown adrift on a log floating out on a vast sea. No lifeboat in sight. No island to aim for.
My parents were going to kill me. No one would ever hire me again. I was sure of it.
It was then I realized I had no idea what success meant to me.
If that wasn’t it, I had no bloody idea… so I went after the dream job. Job after job (yes, I actually got hired again)... I had a checklist:
To travel in my job (and outside of it).
To earn well.
To have an awesome manager.
To be around great people.
To have autonomy.
Flexibility.
To learn.
To innovate.
To grow.
That was my definition of a successful job.
And of a successful life?
To be active. To run good times in fun runs. Lift heavy weights at the gym. Row. Practice kung fu. Tai chi. Yoga. Bake. Travel. Catch up with friends every week. To do, do, do.
After juggling way too many jobs— and much travelling, going where the wind blew, I still didn’t feel successful. Just exhausted.
It took me 4 long years to get back to my normal self.
I was done by 8pm. I didn’t feel like putting on a front for other people. So I spent lots of time alone. I stopped going to the gym. Kung fu. Runs at 5am. And I stopped juggling 5 jobs.
I hit the brakes on the V8 Supercar.
Instead I did relaxing yoga at home. I ate mindfully. Cherished silences. Gazed at stars. Zenned out at the beach.
And I met my husband-to-be who somehow liked me, even though I was at the worst point in my life. I felt crap most of the time. And I didn’t feel at all like myself. I didn’t feel successful at all.
What does success mean to you?
This journey made me realize: to me, success is not about achievement. Triumph. Or a Hollywood ending. It’s about meaning. It’s about cherishing the ride. It’s about knowing I’m enough and deserve to be loved. No matter what.
My definition of success in life is not to have a massive house in posh suburb.
It’s not to earn a crapload of money at the expense of time with family and friends.
It’s not to be an expert and feel the right to tell everyone what they should do.
It’s not to feel I’m better, have more, am more, can do more — than someone else.
It’s not to have everything come easy the first time, all the time.
It’s to connect — so you and I feel understood and less alone.
It’s to meet fear face on and have a decent conversation about how we can get along.
It’s to have the courage and confidence to steer my boat and not blame the crew when it goes off course.
It’s to appreciate simple pleasures like the cloudless blue sky and the warm breeze caressing my face on a warm day.
It’s to fumble around drawing quirky colourful dogs, monkeys, and fairies with my daughter.
It’s to feel happy, shitty, frustrated, angry, calm — and know all of that is ok.
It’s to have the courage to dream big. To fail — swear a little, then get back up and give it another shot. And another. And another.
It’s to love. Be loved. And be grateful.
Summary
It is human nature to set goals, have big dreams we strive hard to achieve. By being more creative and flexible about our definition of success, we may cherish more than the outcome.
So we realize no matter what, you and I are not defined by someone else’s vision of success.
And most importantly, to know you are enough (and always have been). You are worthy of love. No matter what.
Thank you for reading my friend.
Have you ever thought you wanted to be successful at something, but realised you were working for someone else’s version of success, rather than your own?
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